Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
