time to smoke my breakfast
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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