don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
3pm strippers are depressing
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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