i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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