I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
