I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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