if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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