So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
