I need help removing her.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
