The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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