If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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