don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
