I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
