i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
