I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
there's paper in my vomit.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
