Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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