He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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