By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
