That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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