sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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