They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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