There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Pooping to opera.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
