a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
