she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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