I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
