Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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