don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
