Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
