I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
