if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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