I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
