And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
