just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
