And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
