"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
