Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
