Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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