If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
