we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
