Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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