so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
