I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
