so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
This girl is more easily done than said...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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