i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
