Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
