the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
