fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
