I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
