you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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