Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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